Always Something to Prove
by rememberese
Summary: A one-shot story after “Time Stands Still” that explains why Alex didn’t go with Jay, Emma, Ellie, and Sean to Wasaga Beach in “Black in Black”


Note: A one-shot story after "Time Stands Still" that explains why Alex didn't go with Jay, Emma, Ellie, and Sean to Wasaga Beach in "Black in Black"

Walking out those doors was like a whole different world. The lights were still flashing. We could still hear the echo of the sirens. Questions came out of mouths a mile a minute. No one was quite sure what happened, though I had a pretty good idea. Cameras had lined up on the steps. We were the future of the six o'clock news. We all knew it, just hadn't quite accepted it yet.

She took everything in. It permeated through her hardened exterior and seeped into her brain. It was somewhere in between the knowledge of the periodic table and y mx b. Near the memory of our first date. I tried to make a move and she almost clobbered me. I thought I'd remember her as the first girl to ever say no. Imagine my surprise when I asked her out again, and she said yes to both counts. It landed somewhere close to the part of the brain that controlled speech. Whatever it was called. I couldn't remember, and it didn't matter. She was never eloquent with what she said, but she always had a point. She didn't need fancy words to explain herself, and when she talked everyone listened. She was that kind of person.

She stumbled down a step. I was wrong on all parts. It was like a bullet to her motor skills, fucked her balance up a bit. I extended my arm before she got the chance to fall.

"Don't touch me."

"Would you rather the pavement handle it?"

"At this point, I'd say the jury's out on that."

I didn't mention she was mad, if that's what you could call it. It wasn't her normal I'm-gonna-fuck-you-up routine either. Where she'd finally pull her hands out of her pockets and force them into fists, as if the person closest to her was about to hit the ground. Where every four letter word imaginable came out of her mouth, hoping someone would be naïve enough to say something back. Then she'd have an excuse. And that's what life is all about, isn't it? Finding an excuse to rip someone to pieces.

"Jay, you don't get it, do you?"

Of course I got it. The psycho who made my girlfriend feel uneasy wouldn't be coming back. Not now, not ever.

"Don't get what, Alex? That if I hadn't said something about Jimmy in the bathroom, it could have been me, or even worse, you? As far as I'm concerned, that was the smartest part of all of this mess."

"Figures. Some innocent kid gets shot and all you can think about is how fucking genius it was of you to lay the blame on him. Not everything is about you, Jay. Someone's dead because of us, and all that matters to you is that it wasn't us, and how we are going to get ourselves out of it."

She was right. She was always so fucking right.

"Because of us? The kid was crazy, you know that, Alex. It was an accident waiting to happen. Everyone saw it coming, and those who didn't chose not to."

"An accident? This isn't some stolen laptop. It's not one of your dumb fights or a busted party. It's a life. Rick died thinking it was Jimmy that stabbed him in the back. Doesn't that bother you? Doesn't it bother you that Jimmy might die too? Are you so concerned about yourself that none of this even has an effect on you?"

We were shouting now. I opened my car door, but didn't get in. I knew she wasn't coming with me. She was too stubborn for that.

"Look around you Alex, does anyone care what really happened? Those reporters aren't here because they care. They're here because they want this to be their big break. The police came because it's their job. They ambulances are here because they have to be. And you think all those kids are crying because Rick's dead? Think again, it's because they saw that freak with a gun and can't get the image out of their mind. Or maybe it's because they are scared, or can't believe something like this would happen here. Not at their perfect little school, not to their perfect little life. They don't care what happened to Jimmy or Rick. They care about how it is going to affect them. Everyone's telling their story. What they saw. What they heard. Everyone's just as self-absorbed, so forgive me if I think it's a good thing that my girlfriend wasn't one of the victims."

"Are you really that jaded? Not everyone is this horrible person you make them out to be. Some people have hearts or even consciences, two things you will never be familiar with."

When we first met we made a promise to never be like everyone else. Never believe the shit these people wanted to put in your head. Never care about the things they care about. Being popular meant nothing, and they knew it as well as we did, but it was their safety. The one thing they could cling onto. We had each other instead. Until now. She wasn't my Alex anymore. She was "Vice President of the Class, and Paige Michalchuk's friend" Alex. She'd broken the promise. She knew it. I knew it. She'd broke the fucking promise.

"Because those people are so damn important to you? Like your new friend Paige, right? The cheerleader with a heart of gold? She tortured Rick just as much as we did, and you know it. She is just as guilty as we are. If you are trying to tell me her feeling remorse about it changes anything, you're wrong. Rick's still dead, and Jimmy's still in the hospital. Nothing we say right now can change that."

She was about to cry, but wouldn't give me the satisfaction of letting it be seen. She turned around and headed back to the "school", if that's what it was anymore. I wanted to tell her to come back, and that she was right. That part of me did think we fucked up, and part of me thought we should confess, but I couldn't because I was right too. It wouldn't change anything.

I needed to get out of here.


End file.
